Broken to the point where beauty shines through

Right now I'm going through some serious brokenness before the Lord. It's like all my being is just bare before Him with this one deep deep desire I have from Him, that one thing I ask.

My soul is like sand in His fingers. I'm just waiting on Him. And I keep asking Him like a child asks His father if it can be so. I feel like I'm almost as if in a desert and I'm handed this cup of water but I can not yet reach it. And my soul just yearns for it and breaks me. I'm so tender in my innermost being, it's like every negative word or a no just tears me up, both in tears and tearing. 

I keep going but also trying to be very still not to ruin it. To be honest I'm really scared. But the Lord keeps telling me keep going - it's almost like I've been going up this long mountain. I know what I expect from the top but it all just becomes hazy at some point. And now I feel like I'm so close to the depth of my soul and my desire, I'm so close and I have to be real patient now. 

O Lord you're asking your child who loves to laugh and travel and dance and joke around to sit still. Lord don't you know how hard it is, but Father because of you are I'm being very patient. It's honestly so beautiful what you've done in me. I really really hope to be a blessing, I really do. 

Lord you know me, this depth is not foreign to you. This one thing I have asked, please don't let it fall through this time, may it come, please. 

My thoughts are not for evil , but to encourage and bless you. I don't want to take away but build and give to you. I do not want trouble , but I want to be there when it strikes to shield you. No I don't doubt in your ability, quite the opposite, I wanna enable it and encourage you for it. I know this is between the Lord and you, but I have asked for you. 

Now I just sit and patiently wait for the Lord. I think He will come! What is another day among a thousand :) 

Actually it's funny, I have to preach to my own soul just to stay put and encouraged. Like I literally have to say like "My soul, hear me, put your hope on the Lord He will see you through, don't be discouraged oh soul, hope on the Lord He is righteous. Surely He will see you through and deliver you to the other side, He will come through!

Haha I realize it is just like David! 

I would have despaired had I not believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord  In the land of the living. Wait for and confidently expect the Lord ; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for and confidently expect the Lord .

PSALMS 27:13‭-‬14 AMP