Cold wind swallows me into the bellows of reality. Sunlight has become so far between that I can no longer remember when last I felt the gentle beams of life on my face.
It must be unbearable down there, the screams have all ceased, I don't think anyone is alive anymore. The fire has taken everything in its path; it's the apocalypse of those poor souls. I'm not worried about what might happen to them, I just hate the idea of ending up alone. I guess that doesn't matter now, I'm the last soul awake and alive. All sins of this city have been cleansed and all evil that men have done got taken back with each lick of red agony.
It's not that cold up here, I expected worse really, then again maybe there's not much feeling left in me after seeing hundreds of thousands of souls burn in misery. I wonder if I'll ever be left feeling guilty - sure I could have saved a few people at least, but that wouldn't do them no better as they would have died from the cold anyway...
I've always known that I end up alone, just hoped that I was wrong, it's some inner wisdom that constantly reminds me that even if I don't succeed in finding closure I'll always have myself. The fire will keep company for some time, that's for sure. - Funny how such a gentle element can have so devastating results.
Maybe I should have stayed and accepted salvation as they did. That would have given me a free ticket out. Would I be any more happy about it? I doubt it.. besides it seems mindless to immolate yourself over another's mistake. If anything I'm surprised that nobody else made it out, surely someone saw it coming?
No, it's still just me, I'm alone.
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Saturday, November 8, 2014
This emptiness I have made my home
Anxiety also known as emotional death. --
As I beg heaven to ascend me, to send down love, to send recognition and compassion. I kneel before life, asking it to marry death, for an ever-long dance of shadows where we can truly love. Bloodied I kneel before my reflection of life, darkness waiting behind to catch and caress my mind once again. Red life-force seeping onto the ground completing the circle for the fourth year in a row. Time laughs as a distant companion in the fog of today, I am alone.
Loneliness has never meant much for me, as a biological mechanism I'm built to function without compassion or warmth. Logic will always stay to govern this vessel through danger, yet I lack meaning. I am burdened by emptiness which I have made my home from. My kingdom is cold, I have allowed everyone who doesn't feel as if they belong to leave, I intend keep no one in this endless misery. I can not possibly cope taking down another soul for my madness of relying on the warmth of the sun, when it oh so rarely visits me. The ice has drawn out the last of my fear; even it seeks warmth from me, warmth that I can not give, I am left fearless.
My soul is dying from the inside out, I fall further into darkness, every day I get wrapped into the warping of contempt, generated by cold hard logic and reason. My reflection mocks me, my heart is all I can still rely on, and even he laughs at me; ''It's simple, ask me what to do and you'll find sunlight in the end of the tunnel''. I follow his direction like a disciple, I trust in him, yet as soon as I act on his command, life pushes me away once again.
Darkness she is always waiting, she sees my pain, she whispers words of compassion and creates a feeling of belonging, a child of light shouldn't go into her domain, not like this. She's all but too eager to give my life meaning once again, I've been with her, yet she hasn't met any of my needs, but she's always there willing to forgive me.
In the twilight of my last breath, under the fourth cycle closing in, I know that if heaven ignores my cry, I will fall. I will descend into the darkness and am not sure if I'm able to climb back again. As I continue my Last year of torment.
I'm summoning my last will to fight and to keep going, but I'm pulled further and further down into the darkness, I reach for the light, but she pushes my hand away and repeats ''Not strong enough''. Heaven denies my existence, hell welcomes me, help me god or I will die.
As I beg heaven to ascend me, to send down love, to send recognition and compassion. I kneel before life, asking it to marry death, for an ever-long dance of shadows where we can truly love. Bloodied I kneel before my reflection of life, darkness waiting behind to catch and caress my mind once again. Red life-force seeping onto the ground completing the circle for the fourth year in a row. Time laughs as a distant companion in the fog of today, I am alone.
Loneliness has never meant much for me, as a biological mechanism I'm built to function without compassion or warmth. Logic will always stay to govern this vessel through danger, yet I lack meaning. I am burdened by emptiness which I have made my home from. My kingdom is cold, I have allowed everyone who doesn't feel as if they belong to leave, I intend keep no one in this endless misery. I can not possibly cope taking down another soul for my madness of relying on the warmth of the sun, when it oh so rarely visits me. The ice has drawn out the last of my fear; even it seeks warmth from me, warmth that I can not give, I am left fearless.
My soul is dying from the inside out, I fall further into darkness, every day I get wrapped into the warping of contempt, generated by cold hard logic and reason. My reflection mocks me, my heart is all I can still rely on, and even he laughs at me; ''It's simple, ask me what to do and you'll find sunlight in the end of the tunnel''. I follow his direction like a disciple, I trust in him, yet as soon as I act on his command, life pushes me away once again.
Darkness she is always waiting, she sees my pain, she whispers words of compassion and creates a feeling of belonging, a child of light shouldn't go into her domain, not like this. She's all but too eager to give my life meaning once again, I've been with her, yet she hasn't met any of my needs, but she's always there willing to forgive me.
In the twilight of my last breath, under the fourth cycle closing in, I know that if heaven ignores my cry, I will fall. I will descend into the darkness and am not sure if I'm able to climb back again. As I continue my Last year of torment.
I'm summoning my last will to fight and to keep going, but I'm pulled further and further down into the darkness, I reach for the light, but she pushes my hand away and repeats ''Not strong enough''. Heaven denies my existence, hell welcomes me, help me god or I will die.
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