Time has passed since the I've tried to figure myself out. It seems to be ricocheting back every year - depression is it? Well not exactly... though obviously I can not cover up the misanthropic symptoms occurring. But no - I'm sure this is partly depression but partly something else, something I've still missed, something I can not cure before I understand what it is. I'm still missing a part of me, something I've lost and forgotten (and no it's not sense of feeling), I've lost my luminance though partially. I know I'm currently descending and like always it's never bothered my, I don't mind to fall every now and then. But there is something scratching behind my surface nothing big, nothing too important, it's not the feeling that I need to get rid of something, I need to gain something instead. Well so far we've( it's funny how I use ''me'' in plural, I've never noticed this before) figured out the obtaining method by which I can get what I lack. What do I need in life? Well... recognition as it seems. Is this why I've been feeling rather worthless lately? No one looks up to me longer, I don't think I miss it , but I do miss recognition or in other words I haven't done ''well'' in a while now. Perhaps my up-beat attitude isn't all that useful in success because either way if I'm happy or not I still fail and I hate admitting failure(Which is quite bad when fused together with ''happy'' emotions, because I ignore my failure so it just builds up to collapse me). Now I've lost my track of thought - I can't longer concentrate properly and am feeling overwhelmed with my life. Yes of course exercise always helps with emotions and depression and whatnot, but it does not cure the soul. Ugh.. Well I can no longer make sense in this thread of post so I shall close it up now. All I have to say is,
I'm lost.
