It's a Game

Run,you're slowing down,
there is no escape,
you're mine.
I'll play a game,
whenever I feel,
it truly is a shame
that you cannot see,
what you're about to be...
Lower and lower you sink
I'm going to stop you,
what goes on your mind-do you think?
From above,from below,I am darkness
run before I do.
White doves flew away,
I'm taking you,you can't stay...
The schyte flashes before you,
before me,death,you now can see...
How wrong you are in what you are,
evaporate,incinerate,then
water you will be,from there on-
nothing...
Darkness,light fades,
i'm walking in the shade,you cannot see,
darkness is now and what will be...

Arctic winds

I'm cold,I'm dark,I'm deep ... I'm pleased with it,I like to be dark,I find that I don't need to be the ''light'' right now,it's my time at the moment,so i'm dark,I don't aid,unless asked,maybe that's the true way to go?(for now at least)

in darkness,the moon is our sun...

Even when my posts in this blog are dark,a straight connection to my world...Still it seems that,a few people would think I am a very loving and a good person..that's amazing,even though I'm not,and I am grateful for those kind words,from a kind,gorgeous and deffinately bubbly girl :)
In other news... Today I saw the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,she was an asian,brown(tan possibly,then again it looked so natural),and she just blew my mind,the fact that she was a mother of a lovely toddler,just didn't come clear,she was just really really beautiful,dark hair,brownish dresscode,god.. I want a woman like that,no woman comes even close to how beautiful she is,oh and she had deffinately no makeup on ect.. just pure natural beauty and also she just loved her child so much...(wasn't mean or anything)O_O amazing....
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I want to get out of here,this country,I wanna find future,forget this place,my soul pulls towards elswhere,this is not my home,it never will be....hope these 3 years go soon :)

bending...

I saw a weird dream tonight,I was in a large building,which had no stairs,so I jumped down from the fourth(or third)floor,I yelled:''father,now I die'',he replied:''no you won't'',when I came in contact with the ground there was a white car to break my fall,my body smashed the cars roof,I then steped out of the car wreck,completely unharmed,I think I looked towards myself(it was in third person),and then I woke up..
It felt real,very real,yet painless,and thinking back at it.. gives me power...how?why? how can I feel powerful,why do I feel so powerful when I think back at it..I don't know,all I know it happend in my dream...

yes...one day...

as days go by,it seems more obvious,that I would like to one day...be a professor.Teach young intelligent people in a university-aah yes,I could answer questions and inspire generations younger than me...I would sit at home,with my pipe and read their notes that I've assigned them to do for homework.I would wonder,and solve problems,I would just be by myself,life behind me and what I would know,would be enough for people to call me a..well... professor/genius. As my time passes by,future becomes the past,I understand,that who we are right now,will affect who we are in the future,who we were years ago,is who we are right now...NO,not the same person,but who we were affected the person who we are now.To be honest,right now,I'm pretty pleased with who I am,I have made the right decision and I'm pleased... So,let us not waste time,let us think...

Shackles of time...

Ei tohiks elu mõõta minutites,seda tuleks mõõta sündmustes.Olen sündinud tavaliste tingimuste all ning elust saab aru ainult siis,kui seda vaadata tagurpidi.Me elame ainult eadsi,me liigume koguaeg lõpu suunas,ette,edasi...kuid vaadates seda ümberpööratuna,ei liiguks aeg meist eemale,vaid meiega kaasa.Me oleme kõik ajalõksus,me kõik oleme selle ise,üheskoos välja mõelnud,aega ei ole olemas,meie oleme.Meie mõtlesime välja aja,mõtlesime välja jumala,mille üle meil enam võimust ei ole.Aeg - on üks meie jumalatest ehk väljamõeldis.Kui vaadata tavainimese eluviisi,võtame näiteks ühe advokaadi,ta on tavaline haritud inimene,kes elab aja järgi.Elu on nii kiindunud aega,et nüüdsest elab ta selle järgi.Vabadus...sõltumatus...iseseisvus... - Kõik selle,on ta kaotanud,aeg teda ei armasta,paaniliselt üritab elu järgi jõuda,aeg ei oota,kuni lõpuks ei jõua enam joosta,surm.Aeg on mugavus,see on meie tugitool millesse kasvõi korra istume iga päev.Kuid igal mugavusel on ka ajal suur miinus- tugitool väsitab meid,kutsub meid istuma,rohkem,rohkem,veel rohkem,me muutume laisaks,kuni lõpuks,kaotame liikumisvõime,oleme igavesti tugitoolis istumas -- aeg jooksutab meid,kuni surmani,ei kordagi oodates,aeg on kahjulik,kaval,mõjuvõimas.Aja järgi elada on lihtne ent surmav.