PeevePeevePeeve BOOM Kabuush, piuu, Peeve...

Garh, I should really get some sleep... 2 in the morning is NOT the time when you should write a blog post, ESPECIALLY then when you don't really have shit to say, like you haven't said enough today, haven't had your daily dosage of saying shit that people don't even give the slightest shit about...or maybe that's just me? People have a tendency to be attention whores, yeah it shows quite well on me, doesn't it?(fucking asshole) And the more people do it, the less fucks are given about it, which means, all the IMPORTANT stuff that people NEED to say is lost into carelessness. Well that sucks, doesn't it? I mean.. if someone really has something to say and we just keep assuming that it's not worth the time, then we are missing out on reality, quiiite a lot... Then again, most of fucknuggets(by that I mean people) try to keep away from reality. . . Fucking why? Reality is much better than your best dream and your worst nightmare, it's a really nice blend of both, if you haven't figured that out by now then well, you're not very witty *insert a the part where you fellow Earth-dweller bitch about what I just said*. Another thing that ticks me off is when people assume this and assume that, SERIOUSLY who the fuck are you? You're not God, you don't know me *whoahuaa* (from gingers do have souls, something like that)... No, but seriously, stop assuming! At LEAST amongst friends, don't assume what your friends will or will not do, just accept the possibility that it may go a billion ways and by you assuming it that will really get the numbers quite small ( a.k.a you'd kinda wish for it to happen and it will ). Lets see.... what else don't I like... Alco...holicometers ... Yea, those things, why the fuck do you need that piece of plastic to tell you you're drunk, there's 2 options in being drunk, either.. you are .. or you aren't.. .why the fuck do you need a machine to tell you that? you: '' well it tells you how drunk you are Kevin'' Who, gives, a , fuck... when you've had alcohol and you think you're still drunk, chances are that you're fucking drunk, don't ask a machine to tell it for you, to be honest... actually do buy the fucking thing, because that way you'll waste money on that piece of shit than on alcohol or drugs or whatever you kids like to play with nowadays... you:'' oh my god Kevin, you keep thinking we're all the same, just because I drink rarely, doesn't make me drinker..'' yes it does, unless you can keep your fat ass away from that stuff for a year or so, then you're not... Another thing that really pisses you off, is when you go and eat some dinner and notice that there are no clean forks or spoons or anything left... the dishwasher is right there, but no one fucking bothers to turn the piece of shit on, REALLY wh.. but... it's just one small little movement, but NOO no-one does it, BUT if you try it yourself, the house practically catches fire.. what the fuck? How can one person be so awful in life? What I also get annoyed by is all the stuff you need to crowd control, and if you do it never fucking helps, but you have to anyway, cause it's worse if you don't.... Seriously, sugar yea.. when you need to put it in coffee while using a spoon... One... twooo... th...OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! ever get that? Food that you have to use your fork to sort of.. stab it...peas for example.. you can never just quite get that ONE(possibly 2) fucking pea on your fork or... over?? it.. a.k.a skewered on a fork... whatever...Computer files, yea, you always have to keep an eye on where the fuck you put this, put that, do it this way do it that way, same applies to computer games... BUT when you try and create shortcuts and new system types etc to deal with the problem... well.. Good Luck understanding what the shit is going on, cause it's too bloody complicated, there seems to be no Mid ground here... Weather, yea.. that bitch, you always need to fucking dress accordingly to please that whore, cause if you don't your ass will be either cold as fuck, wet, hot, freezing, chilly, dry.. whatever.... Acne... don't even fucking get me started on those fuckers... ARGH! In technology what really doesn't make it to Santa's good boy list is annoying phones, WHO gives a fuck if my phone has 9 billion niggawats of RAM, NO ONE, all you need ... is an mp3 player(preferably) a calling option and a text messaging option.. that's it? Internet is nice.. Camera? e... Don't really need it.. but it does come in handy when your ass is too lazy to write shit down... but that's pretty much it... no bluetooth, no rocket launcher, no insta word typing program that makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever in putting the most random words it can find in your message, no MMS ... does anyone even use that thing? multi media s.. sõnum.. :D, anyone? no? WHY HAVE IT? And last but not least... Time.. yep.. I can't even get started on how much that guy pisses me off... Always making me hurry there and there, always making me do this and that... FUCK YOU ! Let me sleep for once... no? :( ... I bet no one even read this to the end, it was probably like... you: *reads* '' oh fuck this, Kevin is bitching about something again, ain't gonna bother''

GRRR YOU! ff.. afpgjhuridfv DIE! Keep this in mind.. when you plan on reading a book or anything... then read the WHOLE thing.. don't go reading from here, and here and a little bit there... read the whole damn thing! Otherwise it's just laziness and disrespect that you put out, towards your morale and the other persons work... (can hardly call it work though, well my post at least..)

UP ahead

I divided this into sections so all of you who are tunnelvisioned in your mind can observe what this post is about, clearly there are people who'd ''like'' to read but think that it's around one basis of my life that I keep bringing up. Search for depth before concluding. And thanks for pointing that out ;)

Clearly a lot has been going on since I last visited this ''corner'' of the internet. I have gained a lot of experience with different spices in life and concluded, that my being does in fact differ from others... For example - I have.. Realized, that in my perspective on life, a man should at least faintly know how to dance(classical dances or latino etc... though.. hip-hop and such does NOT count)
and for perhaps a second example... Social EVENTS! hugeee emphasis on ''events'' are perhaps a far better way to pass the time in comparison to for example going to ''clubs'' and such. For a fact that soical events actually do educate you and add that USEFUL layer onto your being, rather than just chugging it all down in a club as an ale or any other drink and then sweating it all out and call yourself experienced and differ from everyone else that hasn't done it, not realizing that you're actually on the same level as they just with more booze in your head(gathered due time).

Now knowing this, puts me in a position where I view the world from an entirely different perspective thus gaining more enemies than your other ''subtle'' being(someone who does not really take part in wordly beings), of course this is specifically bad for me, because a person such as I tends to speak their mind about everything that seems necessary or un necessary(at times :) ).

However I wonder if I can manage, to put that difference out there in a way that, you may not exactly see it, but FEEL it - yes, the key element to what I want to achieve is make people feel a certain way, to do this I must find out if ''difference'' is actually a feeling, or can it be degraded into small groups of feeling clusters or clouds.. that in the big picture give us the deffinition of ''difference'' then I must find a way to project it out of me through my nature and we should have the results, ofc if that's not already what I'm putting out ;) (which I am, but with words, I want to do it passively though, with the other person not aware of it).

Well as it seems I'm now at a point where my next ''achievement'' is quite obvious, and nothing left than just, going for the goal, sounds fairly reasonable enough.

Another thing I'd like to point out( if you've reached this far) is that understanding, is within one in my eyes, and that can be fatally good for it, a.k.a yes I do ''miss'',every now and then[rather often actually, too often and in increasing strenght(damn it)]. (I'm sure understanding this wouldn't be a problem, again, if so then feel free to ask me what is that about ;) obviously in a private conversation)

Collection

Pressured more and more under myself breaking the spine between overall composure and sanity. Losing grasp of the now Immense hate gathered within, I have given the choice between very few options... either find peace and quickly, corrupt someone,something completely or fall as a victim to self-sanity... It is clear that the last option does not cope with my personality therefore I have only 2 possible options and given the power of hate the second option seems rather sweet and vengeful. Then again if I do choose for the favour of the second option I will not get rid of the hate that much but it will balance evenly and add another layer for my psychological build up, in other words it will release a little but quickly find it's way back into my heart and even itself out adding an already huge surface area of hate as a base for more hate... The longer I wait the more and more I begin to snap and in this rate which I'm pressured it will happen very quickly... After realizing that this time of the year has got more to do with everything that I thought before, so the less I am bothered the better for the rest of your reality. Trolls however, may feast upon the negativity, why? Because it'll corrupt them over time.

The cure for perfect sanity

I attract darkness as it seems, but it doesn't harm me, it likes to be around me. I have shielded myself in my own dark purple bubble, and I seemingly observe what is going on. Somehow I have changed myself to perhaps illuminate a little darkness, I have managed to somehow put my insecurity in my energy in return droping others security. It seems to be a constant non stop mental war between light and darkness, while shades lurk in the side taking every fallen soul to keep locked away. This war has no winners... Then again it seems that when I am asked to pick a side I just stray off, I don't pick any sides, it appears that I'm somewhat of a rouge in mental worlds... It turns out that you can neither love me or hate me, or be secure around me, I'm the balance saving your sanity and making you insane, hopefully slowly yet fast enough I try and drop your world, bend your truth&will,bring you down to a different state of mind - if this works and my output is poisonous enough then perhaps your corruption can be stopped.. On my side however, it seems that I have been pulled into a mental vortex that shifts between different states of mental energy, I wonder... how many illusions do I have left? I haven't put many out lately, as if I want people to enter, why? Perhaps harm them... Now this harm is what I put out to everyone, EXCEPT this one being, why? Why do I choose... Does that being deserve more than others? Or have I grown to care about that one person enough that I have no reason to harm, or am I set out to repair instead of harm? Who knows, and to be honest it's nice to see myself giving atleast 1 mind a break in this world :) .. I suppose you deserve it.

Gods or belief...

"Võlurid ei usu jumalatesse samamoodi, nagu enamik inimesi ei pea vajalikuks uskuda näiteks laudadesse. Nad teavad, et need on olemas, nad teavad, et neil on eesmärk, nad on arvatavasti nõus, et neil on koht meie hästikorraldatud universumis, aga nad ei mõista, miks nad peaksid u s k u m a, või käima ringi ja hüüdma: ,,Oo suur laud,ilma kelleta pole meid olemas.'' " - raamatust ''The Reaper Man"(eesti keeles ''Vikatimees'') by Terry Pratchett.

Jah,just täpselt niivisi tõlgendaksingi ma oma ''usku'' jumalatesse.Veider on muidugi see, et ma pole varem proovinud tõlgendada säärast tunnet säärase teema vastu, see tähendab seda, et ma ei ole kunagi otseselt ära seletanud oma usu olemust... Ehk on siis selleks aeg :) Millesse või siis Mida ma konkreetselt usun... Hmm... Usun ehk ikka veel inimkonda, kuid seda ka kohe väga valikuliselt ehk keda(mitte kõik) ja mis põhjusel. Näiteks.. ma ei leia, et ma peaksin andma inimestele ''uue'' võimaluse või veidi ''vabadust'' , sest nad arvavad, et nad on selle välja teeninud. Kui asi nii oleks, ehk on siis juba iseenesest lahendus olemas, teisisõnu pole vaja minukäest seda küsima tulla. Meh... - - - Usun tulevikku(?) ehk unistusdesse ja ka endasse..er.. keegi peab seda ka tegema jah :D hmm... mõtte triivib edasi ja edasi, ning otsest keskendumisvõimet ei paista horisondil tulevat, seega jätan selle teema nüüd siiapaika. Üldjuhul muud väga mainida ei olegi, võinoh, ei olnudki, kuid lihtsalt tsitaadi pärast oli kõik vajalik, või näis loomulikuna.... Kuid! Õnn.. õnn ei ole veel uksele tulnud, kuid koitu on näha, samas jällegi, veetes päevi selles samas kohas samade, ugh just täpselt samade... seltsis, kisub elujõud kuidagi nüristuma, ja vihasoov aina rohkem esile tõusma.. kahju muidugi- iseenesest pole ju midagi halba juhtunud, aga samas ka on... oeh, ei teagi, mis seal ikka :P löön käega, sest see teema kõigutab mind hetkeliselt veel vähe. Mnjah... eesti keel tundub olevat siis tänane laine, mida edastan ja, mis mõningaid mingil põhjusel ka hämmastab, aga noh, veidike vürtsi ongi elule hea. Sellepeale otseloomulikult party inimesed kohe ''WOOOOOOHOOO'' -.- :D ja otseloomulikult selle öeldu peale kohe järgmine valdkond inimesi ''miks sa üldistad ?'' XD oeh...

kui lõpp tuleb..

Olen oodanud kaua ning siiani ootan seda hetke kui saan lõpuks öelda hüvasti kõigele, mis siin ,kus ma viibin, on... Kui aeg lõpuks selleni jõuab, et ma enam ootama ei pea, siis ei jää muud üle kui lihtsalt hüüda ''HÜVASTI'' ning kaduda. Ehk naasen kunagi ka tagasi, kuid hetkese soovi, isu, paratamatu tungluse pärast lahkuda, ei suuda ma öelda, kas üldse jõuan siia tagasi. Mind ootab ees lai maailm, kultuur, teadmised, mõistmine, rahu... Selle teekonna läbin kõik, kas üksi või kaaslase abil, kuid teha mul see tuleb :) Ma tahan, et mu kõrv oleks kuulnud sadade kui mitte tuhandete erinevate lindude laulu, ajajooksul miljonites liitrites vee sahinat, sulinat, kahinat - kuulda sadu või rohkemgi erinevaid keeli, miljonitelt erinevatelt inimestelt. Soov lahkuda ja avastada kasvab iga päev, iga hetk, ning selle soovi täide viin ma. Aeg, mis mind ees ootab, saab olema raske, kuid seda väärt. Oodata ei tasu kaua, sest siis võid jäädagi ootama, oota natuke ning siis mine, hüppa pea ees tundmatusse, sind võib see haavata, kuid ka õpetada :)

Tahan minna...

shaded light.

And it begins,and I couldn't be more glad than I am at this moment,this is deffinitely good and will bring much glory,faith,passion and empathy for my life.Though... I don't like to share my empathy with people,only very few get to feel that, obviously I don't know if it's good or bad but I don't care either.So either way,it begins,it started in my heart,today... I guess it's just onwards then? Well worth the risk too I'm afraid... - - - - . - . - . - Well...I guess I'm going for it *gives off that warm smile that's rarely seen from him* . Heh,and here I thought I had alot to say,when in truth there's just not much to say rather do. I wonder if nature binds me this time... If this is what it is,then I am pleased with the gift that nature has offered ^^ ,and I respect this,what I have more than I could respect anything in an ordinary situation. In short then: I am proceeding on an adventure that perhaps will be an adventure of my life, mysticism is deffinitely in my way and will be looked forward to in the future, not now.... *sight* all this rambleing and gibberish just breaks my point, but perhaps that's a good thing... This tunnel seems to have no ending just yet,but a beacon of red to guide me... Either way,those who are meant to understand what I'm saying,do and those who aren't don't, simple as that,I don't ofc choose who they are, it's just seth(chaos) who does it for me :)