Collection

Pressured more and more under myself breaking the spine between overall composure and sanity. Losing grasp of the now Immense hate gathered within, I have given the choice between very few options... either find peace and quickly, corrupt someone,something completely or fall as a victim to self-sanity... It is clear that the last option does not cope with my personality therefore I have only 2 possible options and given the power of hate the second option seems rather sweet and vengeful. Then again if I do choose for the favour of the second option I will not get rid of the hate that much but it will balance evenly and add another layer for my psychological build up, in other words it will release a little but quickly find it's way back into my heart and even itself out adding an already huge surface area of hate as a base for more hate... The longer I wait the more and more I begin to snap and in this rate which I'm pressured it will happen very quickly... After realizing that this time of the year has got more to do with everything that I thought before, so the less I am bothered the better for the rest of your reality. Trolls however, may feast upon the negativity, why? Because it'll corrupt them over time.

The cure for perfect sanity

I attract darkness as it seems, but it doesn't harm me, it likes to be around me. I have shielded myself in my own dark purple bubble, and I seemingly observe what is going on. Somehow I have changed myself to perhaps illuminate a little darkness, I have managed to somehow put my insecurity in my energy in return droping others security. It seems to be a constant non stop mental war between light and darkness, while shades lurk in the side taking every fallen soul to keep locked away. This war has no winners... Then again it seems that when I am asked to pick a side I just stray off, I don't pick any sides, it appears that I'm somewhat of a rouge in mental worlds... It turns out that you can neither love me or hate me, or be secure around me, I'm the balance saving your sanity and making you insane, hopefully slowly yet fast enough I try and drop your world, bend your truth&will,bring you down to a different state of mind - if this works and my output is poisonous enough then perhaps your corruption can be stopped.. On my side however, it seems that I have been pulled into a mental vortex that shifts between different states of mental energy, I wonder... how many illusions do I have left? I haven't put many out lately, as if I want people to enter, why? Perhaps harm them... Now this harm is what I put out to everyone, EXCEPT this one being, why? Why do I choose... Does that being deserve more than others? Or have I grown to care about that one person enough that I have no reason to harm, or am I set out to repair instead of harm? Who knows, and to be honest it's nice to see myself giving atleast 1 mind a break in this world :) .. I suppose you deserve it.

Gods or belief...

"Võlurid ei usu jumalatesse samamoodi, nagu enamik inimesi ei pea vajalikuks uskuda näiteks laudadesse. Nad teavad, et need on olemas, nad teavad, et neil on eesmärk, nad on arvatavasti nõus, et neil on koht meie hästikorraldatud universumis, aga nad ei mõista, miks nad peaksid u s k u m a, või käima ringi ja hüüdma: ,,Oo suur laud,ilma kelleta pole meid olemas.'' " - raamatust ''The Reaper Man"(eesti keeles ''Vikatimees'') by Terry Pratchett.

Jah,just täpselt niivisi tõlgendaksingi ma oma ''usku'' jumalatesse.Veider on muidugi see, et ma pole varem proovinud tõlgendada säärast tunnet säärase teema vastu, see tähendab seda, et ma ei ole kunagi otseselt ära seletanud oma usu olemust... Ehk on siis selleks aeg :) Millesse või siis Mida ma konkreetselt usun... Hmm... Usun ehk ikka veel inimkonda, kuid seda ka kohe väga valikuliselt ehk keda(mitte kõik) ja mis põhjusel. Näiteks.. ma ei leia, et ma peaksin andma inimestele ''uue'' võimaluse või veidi ''vabadust'' , sest nad arvavad, et nad on selle välja teeninud. Kui asi nii oleks, ehk on siis juba iseenesest lahendus olemas, teisisõnu pole vaja minukäest seda küsima tulla. Meh... - - - Usun tulevikku(?) ehk unistusdesse ja ka endasse..er.. keegi peab seda ka tegema jah :D hmm... mõtte triivib edasi ja edasi, ning otsest keskendumisvõimet ei paista horisondil tulevat, seega jätan selle teema nüüd siiapaika. Üldjuhul muud väga mainida ei olegi, võinoh, ei olnudki, kuid lihtsalt tsitaadi pärast oli kõik vajalik, või näis loomulikuna.... Kuid! Õnn.. õnn ei ole veel uksele tulnud, kuid koitu on näha, samas jällegi, veetes päevi selles samas kohas samade, ugh just täpselt samade... seltsis, kisub elujõud kuidagi nüristuma, ja vihasoov aina rohkem esile tõusma.. kahju muidugi- iseenesest pole ju midagi halba juhtunud, aga samas ka on... oeh, ei teagi, mis seal ikka :P löön käega, sest see teema kõigutab mind hetkeliselt veel vähe. Mnjah... eesti keel tundub olevat siis tänane laine, mida edastan ja, mis mõningaid mingil põhjusel ka hämmastab, aga noh, veidike vürtsi ongi elule hea. Sellepeale otseloomulikult party inimesed kohe ''WOOOOOOHOOO'' -.- :D ja otseloomulikult selle öeldu peale kohe järgmine valdkond inimesi ''miks sa üldistad ?'' XD oeh...

kui lõpp tuleb..

Olen oodanud kaua ning siiani ootan seda hetke kui saan lõpuks öelda hüvasti kõigele, mis siin ,kus ma viibin, on... Kui aeg lõpuks selleni jõuab, et ma enam ootama ei pea, siis ei jää muud üle kui lihtsalt hüüda ''HÜVASTI'' ning kaduda. Ehk naasen kunagi ka tagasi, kuid hetkese soovi, isu, paratamatu tungluse pärast lahkuda, ei suuda ma öelda, kas üldse jõuan siia tagasi. Mind ootab ees lai maailm, kultuur, teadmised, mõistmine, rahu... Selle teekonna läbin kõik, kas üksi või kaaslase abil, kuid teha mul see tuleb :) Ma tahan, et mu kõrv oleks kuulnud sadade kui mitte tuhandete erinevate lindude laulu, ajajooksul miljonites liitrites vee sahinat, sulinat, kahinat - kuulda sadu või rohkemgi erinevaid keeli, miljonitelt erinevatelt inimestelt. Soov lahkuda ja avastada kasvab iga päev, iga hetk, ning selle soovi täide viin ma. Aeg, mis mind ees ootab, saab olema raske, kuid seda väärt. Oodata ei tasu kaua, sest siis võid jäädagi ootama, oota natuke ning siis mine, hüppa pea ees tundmatusse, sind võib see haavata, kuid ka õpetada :)

Tahan minna...

shaded light.

And it begins,and I couldn't be more glad than I am at this moment,this is deffinitely good and will bring much glory,faith,passion and empathy for my life.Though... I don't like to share my empathy with people,only very few get to feel that, obviously I don't know if it's good or bad but I don't care either.So either way,it begins,it started in my heart,today... I guess it's just onwards then? Well worth the risk too I'm afraid... - - - - . - . - . - Well...I guess I'm going for it *gives off that warm smile that's rarely seen from him* . Heh,and here I thought I had alot to say,when in truth there's just not much to say rather do. I wonder if nature binds me this time... If this is what it is,then I am pleased with the gift that nature has offered ^^ ,and I respect this,what I have more than I could respect anything in an ordinary situation. In short then: I am proceeding on an adventure that perhaps will be an adventure of my life, mysticism is deffinitely in my way and will be looked forward to in the future, not now.... *sight* all this rambleing and gibberish just breaks my point, but perhaps that's a good thing... This tunnel seems to have no ending just yet,but a beacon of red to guide me... Either way,those who are meant to understand what I'm saying,do and those who aren't don't, simple as that,I don't ofc choose who they are, it's just seth(chaos) who does it for me :)

first minute and a half...

As he travels on the beast of Burden
Moving up along the mountain side
As he gazes looking down the valley
No regrets but his pride

As he journeys across mountain passes
Insignificance sweeps over him
His reflection of the beauty around him
Feeling empty inside

He is running from his wildest thoughts
He is running from his everything
He is looking now to find something
Hoping he could be saved
- by Iron Maiden(The Man Who Would Be King)

Soothe

A moment of peace,
bliss,sound that will soon cease my heart,
make the pain ease.
For this ''bliss'' is not the slightest bit frightening,
sight,understanding,believeing-prevailing...
forgotten,surpressed,left behind
I will now have to forgive,rest my mind,
blind,I have grown out of sight of time.
Regrets in which there are none,
still haunt me for what I have done.
Mistakes I've made,not recently but long ago,
past,not the future,not present,
a time where I can no longer go.
Let this pain flow out of me,
close my eyes,am I free?
Spread the wings come fly with me,
this life isn't worth my time,for my time is timeless and yet to be.
Moment of infinity,forever shall last,
never again I'll fall for your ghost.
Leave,don't return,be sorry,be sad and mourn,
I serve no one and you know,
that when you time comes
then there's no escape,you have to go,don't worry i'll invite you again
perhaps tomorrow,perhaps next year,perhaps in the end.

Bliss,guide me through infinity,
for that is all that life means to me.