Conundrum

I'm left uneasy

Seeing you still makes me smile every time.

Somehow I've misplaced my self-confidence. I'm left here speculating over my own worth. Do I even deserve a seat in front the hearth of my tree of light.

Carry me on wings of light, be just to my soul and heart.
For I am a child whose love for the world has not yet been quenched.
 Drenched in doubt and belief, I am a castaway in front of an oasis of truth. Make me believe that I'm left with reality and not some twisted mirage, a mind trick to fool a fool.
Breathe one more time, show me how I can live. Draw life, I believe in your art. Just don't expect gold, because Davy Jones's Locker holds only my heart.

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I keep slipping in and out of my systems and reality. All of a sudden I'm just stuck in my head and afraid that I will never really be loved. Coming back to reality, I realize I already am being loved, until I slip away into doubt and find myself in a repeating circle. Emotionally I am quite drained, oddly enough a rather good cure for feeling drained is simply look at your ''her''. ''She'' definitely gives me energy and a positive vibe, without her I would be in a much much darker place. Naturally I can not thank her enough. I wish there was something I could do to prove this, how much I truly give a shit about her or as an alternative somehow just ''go'' with it all. I feel as if I have a compulsive need to make something happen all the time, rather than waiting to see what happens.I really hope I'm not overstepping myself tho, last thing I want to make right now are mistakes. Everything I care about currently is very very dear to me. I guess what I learned from it all is the fact that my feelings and myself is definitely in place and correct. Resist temptation to gain order and discipline.
Sometimes it's so hard just to keep in control your desire, and I'm not talking about lust, I'd say I'm simpler than that. Just to get that connection/connectedness with another. I've discovered the warmth of hugs. In some sense I crave that bond between two... Remain calm I keep telling myself, yet my heart would love to leap every time I think on it..
I've been speechless for the better part of last week and this week. I just don't really have that much to say,

I'm just sitting, waiting, wishing.