shaded light.

And it begins,and I couldn't be more glad than I am at this moment,this is deffinitely good and will bring much glory,faith,passion and empathy for my life.Though... I don't like to share my empathy with people,only very few get to feel that, obviously I don't know if it's good or bad but I don't care either.So either way,it begins,it started in my heart,today... I guess it's just onwards then? Well worth the risk too I'm afraid... - - - - . - . - . - Well...I guess I'm going for it *gives off that warm smile that's rarely seen from him* . Heh,and here I thought I had alot to say,when in truth there's just not much to say rather do. I wonder if nature binds me this time... If this is what it is,then I am pleased with the gift that nature has offered ^^ ,and I respect this,what I have more than I could respect anything in an ordinary situation. In short then: I am proceeding on an adventure that perhaps will be an adventure of my life, mysticism is deffinitely in my way and will be looked forward to in the future, not now.... *sight* all this rambleing and gibberish just breaks my point, but perhaps that's a good thing... This tunnel seems to have no ending just yet,but a beacon of red to guide me... Either way,those who are meant to understand what I'm saying,do and those who aren't don't, simple as that,I don't ofc choose who they are, it's just seth(chaos) who does it for me :)

first minute and a half...

As he travels on the beast of Burden
Moving up along the mountain side
As he gazes looking down the valley
No regrets but his pride

As he journeys across mountain passes
Insignificance sweeps over him
His reflection of the beauty around him
Feeling empty inside

He is running from his wildest thoughts
He is running from his everything
He is looking now to find something
Hoping he could be saved
- by Iron Maiden(The Man Who Would Be King)

Soothe

A moment of peace,
bliss,sound that will soon cease my heart,
make the pain ease.
For this ''bliss'' is not the slightest bit frightening,
sight,understanding,believeing-prevailing...
forgotten,surpressed,left behind
I will now have to forgive,rest my mind,
blind,I have grown out of sight of time.
Regrets in which there are none,
still haunt me for what I have done.
Mistakes I've made,not recently but long ago,
past,not the future,not present,
a time where I can no longer go.
Let this pain flow out of me,
close my eyes,am I free?
Spread the wings come fly with me,
this life isn't worth my time,for my time is timeless and yet to be.
Moment of infinity,forever shall last,
never again I'll fall for your ghost.
Leave,don't return,be sorry,be sad and mourn,
I serve no one and you know,
that when you time comes
then there's no escape,you have to go,don't worry i'll invite you again
perhaps tomorrow,perhaps next year,perhaps in the end.

Bliss,guide me through infinity,
for that is all that life means to me.

Insomnia

The air here is thin,I guess I really was up high,although I'm going to enjoy the downfall,it has blinded me...I'm fighting something that doesn't exist,but it stands right beside me.The unknown virus has spread over my body,poisoning and taking life from the inside...It makes me wonder ...
When will I grow tired of this fall?Will eye,or is this virus making me enjoy this downfall,maybe because I'm so ignorant I enjoy it so much...Ignorance on the other hand is delivered by negativity,am or is... my life negative?Rather bland,boring and yes negative in some cases,minds...
They have created ignorance in me...But why?perhaps they are not as simple minded as it seems ... they aren't stupid for sure,but complexity is of a lack...It makes me wonder,if they enjoy it,it seems to generate them a feeling of satisfaction and what's left is lust for more,heh... I guess I'm not that alone after all,misery attracts everyone...Though not everyone is as chaotic as me,even not the closest minds ... still they wish to harm by nature..weird...I have no reason to prevent them doing so either,they have just crossed the chaotic side of me... Which wishes them bad luck,and mostly they get it...
Though this decay of such ... from the inside,is something new,this numbness is of a different kind...I'm not tired and I don't want to sleep,but I sleep so much...a bit stressed,yes,that I am..but of what. ''Why can't I see what's in front of me?''- those words keep running around in my head...I'm being changed...should I let this happen,wow... joy for others? That doesn't cure me..They can be as joyous as they can,even because of me...but that does not cure me,so I have no reason to provide joy for the lot...


What is the cure to my life? .. . --

Glory

Courage and wisdom...
I do not seek danger,but I do seek peace and understanding.There is a saying about peace ''if you want peace prepare for war'' I do not remember who it was from,but it's not the ending that matters it's the journey.It is said that I jump in head first,does that make me bold or brave?I don't think it matters for I am both and none in certain situations I believe I would be the opposite of that..I should change that.That makes me wonder...
What happened to the old times,are we really that lazy and weak that we cannot survive without technology?Why don't I just drop my share of technology and look into the darkness,have we lost yet another trait of humanity? If we keep this up where will we end up?we have lost so much,we've forgotten how to see,how to hear,how to act in situations,we forgot what darkness is,we constantly keep running away from it...pansies ... *sight*.Doomed,yes - doomed we all are.Forget electricity,light your torches,let us explore this cave of unknown.Let us prove ourselves worthy and fight darkness with living light.We speak of glorious men facing darkness alone,yet when someone turns our lights off we practically piss ourselves,embrace what is around you,all of it,you don't have to like it,accept it,change it if you must,but accept it being there.Sure some of you might think that I should embrace people around me too.Hmm.. I do and don't,I embrace courage and wisdom,but I don't embrace stupidity and undermining,I know your being and I know what you have or haven't done,the way you stand,walk and talk gives it away.Of course I don't know for certain what you have done,but I can categorize you to a group and it's what I do,nothing too specific but a rough scetch of what it is. Remember - Don't forget what earth is,it is around you and bigger than you,make sure you give back what you take and don't take what you cannot give back when the time calls for it.Be glorious,be brave,be understanding and most importantly be yourself.

Conclusions

In human culture it's much better to be ''the dumb/funny/lively'' person than ''the dark/independant/thinker'' person.The reaction a person recievs while being ''dumb'' is positive by stamping him/her as ''the fun(ny) one'' or ''talkative one'' ect.Yet when you are lonely think to yourself and deep you are stamped as ''the weirdo'' or ''that person''.
So I have come upon a conclusion that people in general are looking towards more positive attractions,and apparently most of us are incredebly naive.Accepting someone who isn't as positive as others is simply out of the question. In terms of getting a job both are equal,BECAUSE the ''dumb'' person gets the job through connections and support and the lonely guy gets it because he's used to get what he wants alone.So then if you wish to have connections then be the lively one,if not then be the lonely one,the real difference is the ''connections'' which most of them are pretty useless as you know.Why do we need acceptance anyway?I guess it's from back in our childhood,when our mothers or fathers or both wanted us to go and make friends,that determines our life from there on.I believe it's best if the child is individual,because the productive rate would increase and self knowledge would be higher,also the pace in which you would go would be much more steady and quite possibly quicker than of those who have ''friends'',the emotional state would be stable yet communicational skill would be ''damaged'' from lonesome.

Chaos.

Since the last movie I watched,titled ''v for vendetta'' my being has sort of changed...
Now OF COURSE I have played with chaos and have had fun with it,but now... my understanding about chaos is different,I have grown fond about chaos,because it's so unpredictable and so exciting.How do we create chaos?Why is it so much fun?
Well before we can create it or benefit from it,we should know what chaos is and if it exists.Haha,yknow,now to think about it saying it doesn't exist would make it more chaotic,and it doesn't! The sheer irony in that phrase... -
Either way chaos is a mixture of possibilities,movement,boost/booster,outcome and the constance of it being there all the time.IN other words chaos is faith.Now ofc in that sense it means I create faith - I guess it's right in a way,but since faith has this sort of a ''light'' shading on it,then in that case NO I don't create faith,chaos on the other hand is neutral often thought of as negative which is obviously wrong. -
Proceeding on to the making of chaos.well it's quite simple,you basically guide people towards something and then stop the guidance,to see what happens.Now since you have guided them towards your own destination then you know the posibilities,obviously not exact possibilities that will happen for certain,but rough estimates.Now you look at what the outcome brings you,the sheer randomness of it is simply.. amusing and lots of fun.Try it,but don't harm anyone,keep the intentions good(doubt you will).Anyway try and have fun with it.
And I suspect some theorists are gonna jump out about this topic and go ''well you can't simply do that'' to that I say,''then you can't fly either''.

Cheers.

Edit:
Also,with this chaotic sense you can read other peoples mind too,you figure out how ;)