L**e is rejecting me. I don't for a second think that it is to hurt me. If anything I'm certain that she would have it any other way if it were simply possible. I don't think I have ever really felt such a strong feeling for anyone. I am not going to sugar coat it, I love someone. And I am certain of this. For a psychologist to understand, what I feel is complete faith, complete acceptance, complete willingness to understand, complete desire to do well for her and by her, complete craving for her emotions. It is not by far as sexual as I've experienced love beforehand, it is way beyond what I'm used to and what I have ever felt.
I honestly did not even think in the past, that I could ever feel this much emotion again. Scarily it's even more than it was the first time I witnessed love. I never knew that I could even love this deeply.
The harshest lesson to learn, is to learn how to love unconditionally.
I'm scared, afraid that this love can never be mine, no matter how much strength I put into me and it. This love is not for me and I do not understand why. I truly don't know why I or why God am/is so unnecessarily cruel to me. I honestly don't know why or even what must I learn. I am in pieces and dying. I didn't know you can feel so much heartache even when you've never actually had a romantic relationship. I didn't know I would give my world away to someone who claims inability to love. I didn't know that she actually deserves me the most out of all the world. She doesn't ask for a guardian angel , but her soul calls out to me in despair. I didn't know that I could cry in front of my loved one and feel that she understands me, yet she doesn't say a word. I didn't know that there is no cure for this. It's so difficult to admit that even with all your heart, with all your logic and reason I simply don't know what to do.
I am in pieces.
I honestly did not even think in the past, that I could ever feel this much emotion again. Scarily it's even more than it was the first time I witnessed love. I never knew that I could even love this deeply.
The harshest lesson to learn, is to learn how to love unconditionally.
I'm scared, afraid that this love can never be mine, no matter how much strength I put into me and it. This love is not for me and I do not understand why. I truly don't know why I or why God am/is so unnecessarily cruel to me. I honestly don't know why or even what must I learn. I am in pieces and dying. I didn't know you can feel so much heartache even when you've never actually had a romantic relationship. I didn't know I would give my world away to someone who claims inability to love. I didn't know that she actually deserves me the most out of all the world. She doesn't ask for a guardian angel , but her soul calls out to me in despair. I didn't know that I could cry in front of my loved one and feel that she understands me, yet she doesn't say a word. I didn't know that there is no cure for this. It's so difficult to admit that even with all your heart, with all your logic and reason I simply don't know what to do.
I am in pieces.
Love makes you vulnerable. The word love is something you can't put in words because it does not show the true power of it. You either are going to get hurt or you are going to get hurt. All in all you are hurt.
ReplyDeleteIt's ironic how depressed people understand the value of happiness more than the people who claim to be happy.
One day this pain will make sense to you.
It already makes sense to me, that's why it scares me so. And I want to be vulnerable to her. I can not explain why I am willing to give my all to her, all I know is it feels right...
ReplyDelete