Tired

I'm so tired. I am tired of everything. All my life is just tired. In believe in Him. I'm sure He will deliver me and just unburden me from my mind.
There's so much that's just too much.
Lord, help me out of this please.

I've taken up video games again, just to cope. I should... There's that word.. should. What do I even need to do idk. I'm worn out. I'd like to spend time with Jesus, idk why I'm just not.. Or not into it. Is all a mess and I need God. I need Him, I know I do.

I'm between conflict of wanting to play video games and condemned for doing so but at the same I don't know exact why I desire this and that if I'm with God or not. I hope He fixes this mess... I kinda can't..

I'll be honest I'm fed up trying to be loved by God or liked by Him, I just need His grace and I'm tired of moving. I think He loves me as I am but I need His grace now more than ever. I got some head knowledge on what tbe things of God are that He likes, but I need His love His heart for me to fulfill His desires from me. And that's how it is and I'm not able to go further.

The dirtbag, His loved.

I'm just a dirtbag who loves God.

Maybe not a lot of aspirations, maybe not a lot of dreams but with the hope of God.

So I'm not special, in anything I think I really might be the very least. But...I have Him.

I don't look too good nor I have a fantastic body or anything, not too athletic or anything that great, perhaps not someone with a great a job at all, if I even have one... But yknow His love makes me, shapes me and more and more I'm free to be more me.

I guess I'm that way.