To my wife

First you must understand you know its you in your heart and you are not here by accident reading this. Here I will expose myself and open myself up before you and yes everyone else as well because I have nothing to hide. Please understand that I am just a man and I've been hurt many times in my life and it is a little hard for me to show love, but more importantly receive love. Its really hard for me to know that someone loves me. Every single time I'm brought to tears when God tells me He loves me. It's the only love I know really. I have to hear it from you, I have to be sure every day maybe more often than is comfortable that I am loved, but this is only for a little while until I am sure you love me. Only Jesus has the key to my heart and you need to pray, really pray to get it from Him. He is the way, the truth and the life. You need to love Jesus more than me and you need to make sure I love Jesus more than I love you. Because right now and always I do and want to above all things love Jesus. I'm a little messy as a person, well I sometimes eat boogers(eh..Im working on it) and my room is covered in dirty clothes and misc stuff. I never iron my clothes and I shower every two days, sometimes more often..I like to think it helps me stay healthy actually. Dont always brush teeth every day, but I do chew gum. Aand Im lactose intolerant apparently. When I get angry, really really angry then I yell very very loudly, but I always look for reconziloation before I get to that point. Im not that great at keeping money, its just not in me, but Im willing to work it out yknow, all of these things as much as I can Im willing to work it out. Im generous and sometimes like to spoil myself but I dont really buy things I dont see value in. I do like to make gifts and speak love and even touch, maybe thats the way I love. Id like to help the homeless people, I think they deserve hope and Jesus and love the most and I need you to be able to do this with me. This is important to me and my walk. Can you hug a homeless person?  I like wilderness, I want to go camping, and maybe even with you yknow.. I really need a best friend,  I need to be able to rely on you, i need to be able to rest with you and around you. I love Jesus really really dearly , but never enough so again I need you to make sure I walk with the Lord at all times. I will be faithful to you and your faith. My big big desire is to bring you to the Lord, that when either one of us dies then I would have done a good job giving you over to your true husband, Jesus. I will love you with all of my heart and will cherish you, praise how good you are sometimes even to others , I will lift you up in every way I possibly can, I will support you as much as God can support us. I will make sure you never fall and are never hurt, Im so scared of hurting you. Im not sure how well I would handle you hanging out or talking with other boys..Ive been cheated on and my trust has been trampled so..idk I cant promise being ok with it. I play the guitar and would love to play to you, but Im not very good at it, but I will play (not always) when you ask me to. I like the idea of spending the night with you watching stars and discussing deep topics and getting to know each other. I do actually like to open up a lot, but I might be overwhelming. Understand that Im all in and I will not have anyone else except you, you need to be able to be devoted to me and I am devoted to you. God HAS to stay in the center of our relationship, thats the only way this can work. I like to write and express my love this way sometimes. Maybe Im unpredictable at times, you need to be able to guide me, But I understand the necessity for me to guide and be responsible in the relationship. I can sometimes be hard headed but I will always do my best to retain peace and level headedness, I hate to fight. Im so and so at keeping a job, i do get tired, emotionally tired. And I need my alone time, but even then I am always willing to give and serve you, when I desperately need it myself. Im not the easiest man in the world, but Im extremely honest as much as I can even know how to be,  its sort of like bravery for me. Im really really sincere so I really mean it when I say I love you and other things as well.  If I do hurt you, please tell me, I dont want to hurt you at all, im just stupid sometimes when I do. I like to listen to jazz sometimes and would like you to join me in it, just relax yknow. Currently the things I miss the most is kind words from you and a touch on my face followed by a smile and then a hug. I really miss that. Oh I need to be able to cry before you and not be ashamed about it. Its a sign of strength not weakness, but more importabtly trust. I would like to read the Bible Together and study and sharpen each other like this, but Im also a little lazy so try to engage me, I will do it I just sometimes need convincing, I hope you keep me on my toes. I will rely on you for emotional support and spiritual encouraging and myself I offer spiritual encouraging, strenght, absolute faith amd faithfulness to you and God. I don't currently have a getaway but my usual place is the forest and the wilderness,  so you know I need a break when I talk about it or needing to go there. If you love me, let me know, you will always be well received and I will do my absolute best to keep you safe,  healthy, satisfied and in love with Jesus. Understand that Im doing this because you need to know what you are getting into. Like I said, Im all in and won't back down. Please pray for me and for understanding from God. You will need it.