He is coming

The lamb is dead. A lion is risen, He is coming , fierce and brave.

A man who once was is coming. He is no longer a man, death can't get to Him.

A King is coming. He is no longer a slave, He governs the riches of life.

God is coming. He is no longer slain for your sins, but a risen warrior, conqueror, the All Mighty.

He is coming to redeem the blood spilled.

Get ready. He is longing to come soon. He is coming at this very hour. Prepare.

Who can stand before Him? Let us humble ourselves before Him. He is holy and righteous, let us plead for forgiveness, let us gather before Him and submit to Him. Let us ask to join Him.

A great King is coming, undefeated, He himself is victory.

Feelings of my heart

Do you sometimes feel alone God? Even among the people of yours. When you said "foxes and rabbits have homes, but I have nowhere to lay my head" it speaks so much about longing. Maybe you don't feel so alone but I know you long, you long deep, so very deeply for us to turn to you. You are so beautiful in your ways. You are so deep but reachable when you reach for me.

How I'm covered in trials and testing and through the thickness your hand touches me, deep deeply into my soul. How you impart your life to me is far too great for a man, I can only humbly accept your love.

Perhaps it's true that in Romans 8:38-39 it is written that nothing can take a stand before your love. No created thing can ever be before your truth of love for us.

How admirable and how precious is your touch to me. How supportive, how gentle, how caring. Perfect love casts out all fear.

Do you love me Peter? You know that you are lovely to me.

Feed my sheep.

Do you love me Peter? You know that you're lovely to me Lord.

Feed my lambs.

Am I lovely to you Peter? You know all things and that I love you.

Perhaps it is so difficult for us to say we love you truly. For the worth of men is so small. The hearts of men are so deceitful that even you God we may push aside. How can I say I love you with the bottom of my hearth when I know my every day. Yet I love you more than anything on this Earth. How hard it is for men to plead your love knowing our faithfulness to you.

O Lord, touch my soul, take a hold of it,
Cast me as gold, bless me as so that I may love you. O great and wonderful and dear and lovely is your hand O Lord God almighty.
I do not want to be unrighteous before you, I don't want to miss out on who you are, I want to know and feel and touch and find you above all. Have not else that may bless me so.
Blessed be your name forever.

Everything

Everything! Take everything! Everything!

I must have you, I must have you. Everything. I need you everyday like the desert needs water. I need you every day like a child needs a Father, I need you as my every breath. I have too much longing , great is the groan within me.

I must have you!

My family, my friends, my life, my comfort, my will, my body is laid on the altar. Sanctify what's on the altar! I must have you. I need you and nothing else and I'm desperate to have you. Great is the King of Kings, Mighty is the Holy one of Israel. Great are you Lord. Blessed be your name , praised be your name, great be your name among the nations, blessed and highly praised be your name, your holy nature.

Adopt me as your own, take me as your own so that I may dwell in your house forever.

So

You will set yourself before me, You will redeem me, You declared me yours.

Yours I am - broken, no will of my own, no desire but brokenness.
I want to fall into my old ways, I just want to close myself in a virtual world, but you don't allow me to. Your ways are for the good, I'm sure.

I have hope, but it's not mine, it's yours, and it hurts, I don't understand it, it burns away my desires and needs that are not met. Are you not the God of wonders, the Alpha and Omega, your ways are above mine.

You have spoken rightly David, in psalms 23 where you said "I shall not want." For nothing I desire, nothing meets my expectation. I'm tired of going to and fro to find what I'm missing. I will now lay down and rest. Be you my overseer, my Lord, be you my victorious warrior, set yourself before me O Lord, fulfill your needs and plans for me.

One step away

Still and silent is this room.

You said your house is full of rooms for us, prepared.

Do you think I can make it? In some way I'm tired of wanting, tired of desire. I shall not want, I need rest.

Sometimes it gets so complicated, like the simplicity of the gospel is forgotten. The work is finished.

Tired of seeking pleasure yknow,  I want you Lord, I desire you, I desire freedom, I need your love.

Väsinud ja frustratsioon

Ma olen juht.

Sõidan juhtide koosolekule koos kaas juhtidega ning potensiaalsetega.

Siin oleks tore olla, aga tegelikult mul on väsimus. Ma olen tõesti väsinud. Ma pole piisav, kunagi. Ma olen nii @#!§% tüdinenud pidevalt alla andmisest, olen veelrohkem tüdinenud üles võitmisest. Sellest ei ole pääsu.

Sa oled hea, eks? Ma ei tunne Su headust ainult sinu omandamatut standardit. Sa oled öelnud, et sa armastad mind. Ma usun sind, päriselt, aga millal ma sellest aru saan?

Ongi siis nii, ripun kahe surma vahel kuniks valgus paistab. Igaveselt süngemas maailmas kuni sa tuled. Kumb on parem, sinu tulek või omade hoidmine veel pisut pisut?

Mind ei saa sinna kahjuks lugeda. Minus pole seda. Ma pole sinule olemas, sul on juba Jeesus. Ta elab minu sees, mina aga Tema tegusi ei tee, kas sa oled siis ka minus nagu sina oled Isas?

Lootusetult püüdes hoida sind enda fookuses, sest sind ma ei taha ju, ega ju? Mu teod kõnelevad totrusest ja sellest, et oled mu parim idee, millesse armun. Sind ennast on aga liiga vähe. Mis ma teen siis,  mine veel edasi ja grindi seda sõnnikut kuniks sa oled rahul. Ma tean, et Sa armastad mind, mille jaoks üldse?

Kui kuskilt Sa tuled, ja tuleb üldse lootus, siis tuleb see siia Sinult. Ongi kõik.

Kaua

Kaua.

Kaua pumbatakse Püha Vaimu vanasse veinilähkrisse? Kaua veel kuni ma plahvatun ja see vein läheb raisku? Ei parem on kui ma saan endale uue veinilähkri.

Isa ma palun Sind...sind.. sind ütlen sellepärast, et sa oled minu elus ikka veel väikese tähega. Millal? Millal ma saan.(Sind) Millal ma olen piisav, millal on mu elu kaotatud? Millal ma olen Sinu poeg ka maailmas, mitte ainult kristlaste seas.

Millal ma lõpuks suren sulle...

Millal ma saan hingata.

Ma panen oma elu maha, taaskord Su ees. Palun. Tee selles armetuses rohkemat tööd kui varem, mitte minu jõuga, vaid Enda omast. Sina Jeesus ole minu eest, seepärast ma siin olen. Sinust saagu minu osa, minu isiksus, minu silmarõõm.

Ma ei taha enam. Vii mind tasastele kallastele.